Game 8: 2nd XI vs Pak Bristolians 1st XI, Home

The skipper returns after his butler misplaced his quill...

As Bangambiki Habyarim once wrote 'Bristol's 2nd XI life is not for the faint hearted. Sometimes it can look like an ugly battlefield'.

He/She was right.

On the final day of Ramadan, the Bristol twos arrived hungry to consume the banana skin plated up for them.

Ten overs in to our innings - having lost the toss - Bristol had flown to 18-0. Spinky and Brucie bemused and bewildered by the canny attack who at times appeared to be bowling backwards.

Spink didn't get caught at cover so well done him. But he did get hit on the pads. 20ish - 1.

Eagle followed soon after edging his second ball to gully.

Sillo (resident ramadan expert but rubbish at total cricket seether) joined the fray just as Brucie was undone by a short wide one. 40-3. Not ideal. But not to worry. Lordy loves cricket so him coming into bat means we'll be fine.

Wrong.

The run fast continued. Lord gloved a 'four-ball' behind. He rewarded himself by eating some of the tea. Lifting up the cling film and everything. Heathen.

The skipper was then caught and bowled. The ball was dextrously held between the bowlers knees. It was hit so hard he'd barely had a moment to move his hands towards the ball. Leech had done very very well to even hit it and one impartial observer suggested it was the best ball of the day. No disgrace getting out to that one.

Roger held out for longer than most About half an hour tops before a yorker toppled him and his bails.

Could Bubbles save us?

No.

After ploughing two full bungers for four he missed a straight one.

Probert joined Kinsey who had watched the madness for a little bit from the other end. He's a man made for this type of scenario. He kicked and left diligently before being adjudged to have kicked one in front of the stumps.

Probert and Jones were the next pair to face the almighty - though probably hungry - Pak Bristolian attack. Both did much better than all our "batsmen". Jones nonchalantly moved through gears 1,2 and 3 hammering two cover drives for four. Fuelled by his success he wanted to take on all comers.

He entered the elusive Jones fourth gear. Very few have seen it or survived it. His victim was the unsuspecting wicket keeper. I'm not sure of how it went down but things seemed terse. Eye witnesses have suggested the following words were exchanged:

Keeper: bayt-ul-khala khana kahan hay?
Jones: well...keya ap mare sath nachna pesand karane gay
Keeper: police ko bula
Jones: well...maze karein
Keeper: you piece of ***
Jones: well...yep...grrrr

With Jones looking supreme. Genuinely. Batting on what must have been a different wicket. Probert's vigil ended prematurely.

Coxy walked to the wicket with the score 114-9. WASP moved to 114.

How wrong WASP was.

Cox planted, prodded and nurdled his way to 10 not out.

Bristol closed on 153 all out with three balls of the 50 remaining. A runout ended Jones' fluent 30.

Tempers were frayed at the half way stage.

The atmosphere galvanised the Bristol 2nd team who opened with Lord and Spink.

Spink bowled beautifully. A wicket in his first over was just reward. Their chap tried to launch it to OBs and only managed to sky it up toward Gully. Clearly a keeper's catch. It had snow on it. Always go with the gloves. But - concerned about the outcome of any collision with Bear - Leech left it to Roger. Never in doubt.

The tone was set. The second wicket followed soon after when Lord conned their three into chopping on. Number four tried to put Lord into the trees only scooping it up to Cox. He was distracted by Cornish Kev and the chance went begging. It wasn't technically a drop as he didn't actually get anything on it.

No matter though as Charlie - specialist fielder - Allsop took the next chance with ease. Cox was relieved.

Then something quite amazing happen. Shaz - him of 200 at Downend for Bristol 2s - gloved a ball down the leg side of Spinky. A certain four? Surely. No.

Like a pre-pubescent teen spooked by an advancing Road (thanks for scoring mate, great job) our much maligned gloveman took off. Quicker than you would believe possible. Soaring one handed to claim what onlookers (Stov) would later describe as a 'good catch'.

A mixture of surprise and relief followed. Especially given he'd chested the last opportunity off Spink's bowling away at Bath.

22-4.

Spink took another.

40-5

Then a lull. Probert was introduced and bowled tidily in tandem with Jones who was getting the ball to talk.

Ball: kafi weqt se ap ko dekha nehin
Jones: ap ka taluq kahan se hai?
Ball: donut
Jones: well...yep.

They say when it's your day it's your day. Kinsey crept forward at short mid wicket. Jones (abiding by the dogs dictum) got it above the eyes. Nearly above the head as well actually. The batsmen clothed it to Kinsey and Jones had his wicket for the day.

With the promise of a jug for bowling the oppo out for less than 100 the 2s raised their level.

Sensing victory, Lord and Kinsey were stationed right in the eyes of the batter.

The plan worked. The personnel didn't.

Lord - who should be much better at fielding as, during the last eighteen months Opta stats have shown he's been fielding more than he's been breathing (certainly more than thinking) - dropped a dolly.

He then sulked. Like a baby. It was pathetic. Proper stroppy.

'He hit it hard...it wasn't easy...I can't field in still places...I should bowl...I miss Tristan...I miss my brother Kolo...I miss Mr Paul'

His mood quickly improved when he learned he could drive the tractor later if he behaved.

Cox replaced Probert. He was absolutely ticking. It was mental. Full lobster colour. Hair, face, ball.

Whatever the motivation was it worked. There has been speculation he was irritated as he wasn't the only ginger in the side.

Screaming after every ball Coxy cleaned up the rest of the Pak Bristolian batsman in no time.

Bristol had won. It wasn't pretty but it was nevertheless enjoyable. Even Stov kind of liked it. We think.

All roads now lead to Chew Magna/Magnor with a champions league spot in our grasp.

For anyone who's interested in a game for the fours next week you'll find Pony's number below:

078-CALL-PONE