Game 12: 2nd XI vs OBs 1st XI

The words of the skipper....

Phil Marshall esq. once said 'I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on earth - certainly greater than sex, although sex isn't too bad either.'

It's a shame then that the events of Saturday 30 July at Fortress Failand cannot truly be described as cricket.

Watching it you would not believe the 2s are unbeaten in 7 weeks (2 rained off but it counts).

There were some signs cricket was the intention. 22 men/boys in whitish clothing periodically took it in turns to stand in a sort of oval shaped ground. It just never felt right.

Seemingly confused by the settings, Bristol's batters did the safe thing and removed themselves from the unfamiliar environment as swiftly as possible.

Having lost the toss we were inserted.

First Panchal missed a full toss and was bowled round his legs. Spinky nicked one trying to work a ball destined to be an off side wide through fine leg. Hunty clothed one to cover and Ellison left a straight one.

Better safe than sorry. 20 odd for 4.

Batting has always been an optional extra at Bristol and one no-one seems willing to pay for.

30-5: Eagle fails to soar and nicks to slip.

35-6: Lord is a proper doughnut.

Having muscled one 35 yards - just evading mid-off - and getting away with it he felt he should try harder to clear the man.

The plan was a good one. Sort of. Actually not at all. It was moronic.

With 3 balls left of his spell Lord wanted to hit the bowler out of the attack. Instead he hit it gently to mid-on.

Proper filth.

40-7: Jake Thompson bowled pulling a ball going underground (pitch in part prepared by Lordy).

45-8: Rob Clarke plays on.

Probs walks in and informs me we need 130. Ok - seems like we should get to 50 first but 130 is a good solid round number.

45-9 Probs pads up to a straight one.

Lovely stuff. Probably home soon.

Is there any hope?

Well...the man; the myth; the mistake is due to bat at 11.

Jones is in great nick. Much better than the skipper who averages about 0.5 this year.

The pair went about trying to salvage the Titanic-esq mess that Bristol had created.

It actually went ok. Jonesy eased one through the covers for four whilst Leech pulled one behind square for another four. 10% of the runs for the day in two balls. Glorious.

Madness then briefly resumed when a top edge landed just short of a fielder who was weighed down having offered to help Redwood out with the burden he was carrying. The fielder then could have effected 8 runs out but chose not to.

48-9 quickly became 53-9.

Now we are ticking. Or are we?

Thommo intervenes asking if it's likely he'll be able to go to Chelmsford early as this won't be going on much longer.

Jones and Leech batted for an hour or so putting on 52 for the final wicket before Jones chipped one unfortunately to deep backward square. An all time 2nd XI record (records began in 2016). They had made it look easy. A masterclass in batsmanship.

The 2s finished on 101 ao.

After our innings we had a very brief love-in exchanging nice words and messages of peace and love.

Stov looked pleased.

Anyway we then bowled. Needing to set the tone and Lord needing to make amends for being rubbish so he opened the bowling and started with a four ball.

But he tend did take a wicket. A skier to Jones was swallowed with an almost dismissive nonchalance.

Panchal, still sulking for some reason, took the new ball at the other end and removed the number 3 in his first over. OBWs were 3-2.

3-2 became 11-3 when Lord got one to go underground and clean up their skipper.

But then we got bored and thought it would be nicer if we gave them some runs. So we did that. But then magic man Jones got rid of Tav well caught by Probes at point (see Stov - offside fielder. Jesus Christ give me a break).

40-4 at tea. That's right they were batting before tea was taken.

Incredible.

40-5. Browny went baseball and pitches a full toss/knuckleball which was swatted only as far as third base. The catch was easily taken at by Clarkey.

It was going too well so we changed and made it go worse.

60-5.

70-5.

Probert enters the attack. Boom. 70-6. Caught at mid on by the juggling Jones.

83-7. Caught 90 metres away on the leg side boundary.

The need 19 to win 3 wickets in hand.

Lord comes back on. Something must go right for him today.

89-8. Trapped in-front.

90-9. Browny bamboozles and hits him stone dead (LBW not fatally wounding).

Should be ours from here. 11s can't bat (excluding ours). First ball the 11 smashes through cover for four. Good shot but a one off. Second ball he repeats the act but it's cut off.

Ah.

Probert comes back from the top end. 96-9. 6 to win. 1 wicket to win.

Probes bowls. The ball goes to slip. Ellison fumbles with it. Tumbling backwards he doesn't appeal.

'Did you catch it?'

'Yes.'

'Ok should we appeal?'

'Did he hit it? I thought I was saving byes'

'He hit it I don't do byes'

'I guess you should appeal then. But remember Stov said to do it gently, calmly and it might be better not to bother at all'.

'Howzat.'

The umpires got together. It was DRS gone mad.

Hand gestures were made.

The crowd waited with baited breath. Literally five of the six were looking in vaguely the right direction.

Out. Probert finishing with 3-9 against his old club.

Bristol win by six runs.

It's never easy.

2nd play 3rd next week as Bristol travel to MSN.

Plans is to head off early Thursday to ensure a prompt arrival.